Some people love graduate school, but most of us want to finish it up and get started with our real lives.
About a couple years ago I met a nice guy from Utah who was finishing his thesis at a university about 5 hours away. He had just moved here to take a job. After only two weeks, he was totally immersed in his new job, and I asked him if he was concerned about being able to finish up his thesis. He said, "Oh, no, not at all. My university's only 5 hours away, and I've only got a couple months of work left on it." The idea of starting a new life or a new job a few months early – say, before we’ve completed our dissertation – sounds pretty good. After all, lots of people Zoom and Skype from home, so it should be a snap to web-commute back to the university and finish up our dissertation away from the anxieties of campus. For instance, you could now start your new gig (maybe as a professor) in June instead of August. Your plan would be to move, get settled, wrap up the dissertation, and get two months of a tempting new salary. When I was a PhD student, someone told me that if you want to know how long it will take to finish your dissertation if you move away, you use a simple formula. You take your best guess of how long you think it will take to finish, then you triple it and add three months. So if you think you have 2 months left on your dissertation, and you move away in June, you won’t be finished until following March – in 9 months instead of 2 months (2 months x 3 + 3 months = 9 months). This is a rough rule-of-thumb, that varies across schools, departments, and people. Still, when I heard this, I wasn’t going to take any chances. My apartment lease with my two roommates was up, so I spent the last two months crashing at the apartments of different friends so I could wrap it my dissertation and graduate before I move away to start my Asst Prof gig. What happens when you move is not only that it takes time to get resettled and you no longer have the support structure of your PhD program (and the “in sight & in mind” attention of your committee), but you also don’t feel the urgency to finish. You’re settling into a new role, and everybody's happy to have you around. You start to put off the uncomfortable pressure of you incomplete dissertation because it feels so much better to be treated as an an adult over here than as a sniffling child over there. But in a few months when your new department chair asks whether you’re through with your dissertation, it’s going to be awkward to answer. You might not have the option of completing a dissertation on campus, but if you can, it’s worth sleeping on couches until it’s done. ****************************************** The Rest of the Story: Four months after meeting the guy from Utah, I ran in to him again at the same boardgame cafe where we had originally met. He was very excited about having moved, and he was very excited about his new job. What's notable was that he never mentioned anything about his dissertation, how it was going, or whether it was finished. His dissertation had been an enthusiastic 80% of our conversation during the first time we met. Sine he never mentioned it, I wonder if he hadn't made the progress he had expected to make.
0 Comments
I just met a grieving young woman who had to put her 13-year-old dog to sleep 4 days earlier. She felt lonely and guilty. In the past 4 days I'm also sure at least one well-meaning person said, "Yo, get another one at the SCPA for $25." Probably didn't help. Pets magically enrich our lives. One example. Pheeny goes asleep on the corner of my desk every morning, wistfully watches me eat lunch, spastically rides along on errands, painfully endures me practicing the saxophone, and groggily waits for me on the foot of the bed. Every time I say something to her, she looks at me like, "Wow . . . that was the smartest thing I've ever heard." And that's why we cherish dogs. On the other hand, on most days she still goes to the bathroom under the piano. At least she didn't learn that from the kids. You know . . . $25 at the SCPA won't come close to replacing the hole in this poor woman's life and the hole in her heart. Our friends are vets and they say most people try to extend the life of a painfully dying dog much longer than they should. Dog-owners think they're doing it for the dog, but they do it more for themselves. They keep their dog jacked up on burning chemotherapy drugs, or they put them through horrible repeated surgeries so they don't have to feel the loneliness and guilt of letting their dog peacefully move on. In 2007 we lost a treasured cat who slept on the bed, slept on my desk, and purred whenever we looked at her -- total positive feedback for a cat owner. I was so smitten I took three daily allergy medicines so we could keep her. She ignobly died of kidney failure hiding in an unfinished basement furnace room when I was away at a conference one weekend. I still feel guilty and blue whenever someone mentions their wonderful cat connection. Or even whenever the city of that conference is mentioned. -------- Shortly after our front-yard memorial service for Kirby the cat, I ran across the cartoon below that tries to channel what one beloved pet is thinking on their last day with their beloved owner. It's touching -- in a good way. Even after rereading it 40+ times, I'm choked up and teary-eyed before I'm even half-way through it. I sent this cartoon to the woman I met Sunday. She replied that it had been a hard week, but this "made it a bit better." If you have ever lost a beloved pet that you still miss, maybe the thought expressed here will make it "a bit better." |
Welcome!Here are some tips, tricks, and secrets on how you and your family can eat to be healthier and happier. They're based on over 30 years of our published research.
Fun InterviewsMost Visited Last Month• For You
• Smarter Lunchrooms • The X'Plozionz Band • Help your family • Kitchen Scorecard • Retracted papers • Grocery secrets • Do kids inherit taste? • Be healthier at work • How not to retire • Estimating calories • Restaurant Secrets • Syllabus template Top 2024 Downloads• Kitchen Makeover
• Smarter Lunchrooms • Smarter Lunchroom Scorecard • Grocery Shopping Hacks • Restaurant Secrets • Write a Useful Syllabus • Workplace Wellness Tips • Healthy Profitable Menus Categories
All
|